The Fear of Becoming One

Since facing marital difficulty in my marriage over twenty years ago, I have read numerous studies of divorce and marital difficulties. Although I have not done a mathematical analysis of the cause of divorce, it appears that the root cause of around 90% of them is the result of not wanting to become one with each other. One or both spouses do not want to give up their dreams of life for the sake of joint dreams with their spouse.

When God created woman, he purposely took part of the man to create the woman. Adam said:

 “This is now bone of my bones     and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’     for she was taken out of man.” Genesis 2:23(NIV)

To Adam’s comment, God replied:

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24(NIV)

Throughout time, man has made things stronger by combining two different elements into one. Take iron for example. When man began to cast iron, it was heated and poured into a mold. When it became hard, it maintained the shape of the mold. The only way a person could change the shape of the object was to remove some of the unwanted iron. If you flexed the iron, it would break.

However, man discovered that if you did two things to the iron, it would become very useful. First, the iron was heated to the point that all of the impurities would come to the top and be scraped off the iron. This made a product called steel. Second, they learned they could mix other alloys with the steel, it could be used in many more applications other than the ones previously made from cast iron.

In plant life, man learned that he could take the good traits of two plants, cross-pollinate the two plants and come up with a new plant having the good traits of both plants. This process is called ‘hybridization’.

In the animal world, man learned that he could take the good traits of different breeds of animals, interbreed the animals so they would have the good traits of both breeds. This process is what creates a purebred.

Another example is the zipper on a coat. In a zipper we have two separate pieces of material that have protruding teeth. The zipper glide draws the two pieces of material together so the protruding teeth of one side of the zipper interlocks with the teeth in the other side of the zipper. When those teeth are interlocked, the garment will not separate. The zipper becomes one. When the zipper becomes one, the coat will be warmer and the person inside will feel more secure than before it was zipped.

In a marriage, the protruding teeth are the dreams and expectations of the two spouses. As couples allow their dreams to mesh, their marriage becomes stronger. Rather than losing their dreams, they a meshed together to become an even better dreams.

In a zipper when one side of the zipper attempts to mesh two teeth with one on the other side of the zipper, you will have a weak spot in the zipper that frequently causes the zipper to separate at that point. Until this problem is corrected, the zipper becomes useless. This same thing happens when one spouse attempts to place their dreams above the dreams of their spouse the marriage will develop a weak spot that will tend to unravel the marriage. To correct this problem in a marriage, there needs to be forgiveness. Sometimes we need to back up, forgive each other, and try again.

For a marriage to work properly, it is important for each spouse to listen to the other spouse and understand fully what their spouse is saying. Too many times, in an effort to protect one’s dream, people will shut out the dreams of their spouse. They will not listen to their spouse explain their position. When spouses do not understand each other’s dreams, one spouse will soon feel they have no value in the marriage and will seek a way out.

It is also important to understand that there is more than one right way to do somethings. Look at the proverbial toilet paper roll. Regardless if whether the paper comes off the top of the roll or the bottom of the roll, it can still accomplish it’s intended purpose.

If you look on the internet, you will find that there are at least two ways to boil eggs. One way is to place the eggs in cold water, heat the water until it comes to a boiling point, turn off the heat, then let the eggs stay in the water for a given length of time. A second way to boil eggs is to bring the water to a boiling point, place the eggs in the water, then let them boil for a period of time, turn off the heat and remove the eggs. Regardless of which method you use, you will get a boiled egg.

In a marriage we can become so concerned about the ‘right’ process that we fail to see the desired outcome. You can be so concerned about losing your dreams and expectations that you fail to realize the consequences of a failed marriage will have on your dream.


NOTE: scripture used in this blog was downloaded from

Christmas Thoughts

As a person gets up in years, Christmas seems to take on a different meaning as I set back to reminisce my dreams and aspirations of my youth. Some of my dreams are fading because of my physical ability to do them. I tend to look back at my past dreams and how they have been affected by various trials and difficulties that have happened along the way. The dreams of a large family with lots of children and grandchildren gives way to the fact that the  children have grown and become parts of other families with their own dreams.

As I ponder the dreams of my past and my family’s present, I wonder if I have given them the right instructions for reaching their dreams. Have I laid the foundation that they build on? Will they trust God as their Savior? Do they know that God as given them the gift of Salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ? Do they know there is a place in Heaven for all of God’s children? Will they teach these values to their children and grandchildren?

In the Book of Genesis, God lays out the foundation of His dreams and aspirations. In six days, God created all the essential parts of His dream. He even made mankind in God’s own image, and it was good. He also made a special place where mankind could enjoy the beauty of his creation. God was able to go to Adam and Eve and have a great evening of fellowship. God wanted that relationship and he still wants a relationship with all his children, not just at Christmas, but every day of the year.

God had given Adam and Eve one important instruction: Do not eat of the tree in the middle of the garden, or you will die. It was not long before that was changed. Eve was tempted and ate of the forbidden tree. In the cool of the day God was looking for Adam and eve, but they were hiding. God had to banish them from the Garden because they disobeyed Him.

It wasn’t long until Cain killed his brother Abel and people continue to disobey God. God sent a flood to wipe out the sinfulness of mankind; He confused their language; He made them walk in the wilderness for years, He made them become slaves to foreigners, He gave them a Kings because they wanted one. And so it goes throughout the Bible. But God still wanted that relationship with man.

In fact, God wanted that relationship so badly that He sent his only Son to die for the sins of man, God wanted to restore eternal life to those who love him. It is a Christmas time that we celebrate the beginning of this dream; the birth of His Son, Jesus. God’s primary reason for sending his only son was to forgive sins and restore eternal life to mankind.

However, the religious leaders were so upset with God that they did everything they could do to get Jesus out of the picture. Finally on Good Friday they made good on their threats. They nail Jesus to a cross. What they did not understand was that Jesus had become the perfect sacrifice. It was the only sacrifice that would take the past, present, and future sins of man to their eternal destination. Man could now be perfect in God’s eyes.

The second purpose for Jesus death took place Easter morning. God reached down and raised Jesus from the dead. Jesus became victorious over death.

Things are different this time around. This time God is letting man choose who he will follow. God wants everyone to accept the gift of salvation, but he is not going to force it on mankind. In fact, for those people who accept the gift of salvation and are willing to follow Christ will be given a home in heaven. Revelation 21 tells about this heaven:

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:1-5(NIV)

The new heaven and the new earth are better than the current heaven and earth. There is no separation between the new heaven and the new earth. God dwelling place will be with the people. We will be able to have eternal, uninterrupted fellowship with God. God’ ultimate dream will become reality. Sin and sinful behavior will be thrown into the Lake of Fire, never to be released on earth again. There will be unity at last. We will be restored to the perfect condition in which God made us originally and sin will never separate use from God again.


NOTE: All scripture in this blog have been downloaded from